Tonya Reiman

How one person practically tripled his sales by changing one thing about his body language.

Personal space, perhaps more than any other body language cue defines our relationships with other people. It is personal space along with the power of "touch" that sets the parameters of who is in our 'inner circle' and what people we let get close and exactly how close. Learning the use of personal space in your body language is a key to building rapport, which in many professions has a dramatic impact on your level of success in that field.

At a very basic human level, we are very territorial and yet at the same time - we crave to be touched. It is the very conflicting of these two 'force' that cause us to create boundaries and also at times, break through them. These personal parameters change based on public interaction and private moments of human interaction.

In my book, I speak about a man I met at one of my seminars named Stephen. In short, Stephen, for years had not realized that he had been invading the personal space of his customers in a way that caused him to be perceived as intimidating. It was only a few moments into our conversation that I pointed out to him that there were only four inches between his shoes and mine. I explained to him the various negative signals this sends to other people and three months later, I heard from Stephen. He wrote to me, "I can't believe how much better things are, Tonya ... All I'm doing is giving people their space, I'm not going towards them, and my sales have practically tripled. I can't believe such a little change would have such an impact."

Stephen learned how to correctly use the power of his own body language in a way that made his customers feel safe and respected. He is now able to build trust and rapport, which are important traits tat will solidify his success in his line of work.

Think about your own personal space as a 'bubble' that surrounds your body. How big is your bubble? How close could a person get to your bubble before you started to feel uncomfortable? It seems like common sense to say that you should give other people their own space, but what amount of space is acceptable? How much space is too much? In 1966, a man named Edward Hall conducted a study on how human beings interact within space. He defined four zones - public, social, personal and intimate - and the functions of each within society. These 'zones' will vary based on a person's cultural background. Each individual may have different thresholds or parameters based on where they are from. Personal space takes on different interpretations in different countries.

There is so much to study in terms of personal space, I could not even begin to cover it all in one single article. I would however, like to leave you with a very useful body language tip that you can start to be aware of from this day forward. Social space is a space of about four to twelve feet. If you are a salesman, you might start a sales call in the close end of a person's social space, say at about four feet away from your customer and move in closer, the more you get a feel for their comfort level. If you are selling someone something they might want, but do not need, it might even be a good idea to start further away and move in closer as your customer starts to feel more comfortable and the rapport is being developed.

When you understand and respect another person's 'bubble', you will get that respect back. Incorporating touch will help you in building that mutual respect into a common rapport with the other person. Learning how to use personal space provides you with the ability to be a better communicator, which will determine whether you are likable and comfortable to be around. It will also determine whether you are able to be influential or persuasive. These are the sort of traits that allow you to be successful in business, relationships and life!

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