Do you believe in fate?

Your knee-jerk reaction might be to answer, "Yes." But do you really know what fate is?

Sure, romantic comedies and romance novels are overflowing with the notion that if two people are meant to be together, no mountain range, stormy sea, or bad breath can come between them. It's a sweet notion, believing that there's one person out there, roaming the earth aimlessly, searching for you and only you; and that the stars will align, the sea will part, in order to orchestrate a scene in which the two of you will run through a field of daisies and into each other's open arms.

Really?

I happen to know that you are not a puppet of fate, stirred and shaken by an unseen force that has already made every decision for you. We are all highly cognitive beings, finely equipped to draw a definitive line between fact and fiction.

Stay with me to learn how you may have been underestimating your power to map your own route to love. Discover how you can use your own inborn nature, united with a healthy dose of free thinking and free will, to concoct a brew that suggests romantic success.

A Twist on Fate

The birth of fate logic can be traced to second millennium BCE Mesopotamia. There, the seed of astrological fate was planted (don't forget, these people also believed that the world was as flat as a breakfast crepe, and that it was acceptable to roll the dead up in old rugs).

Since then, three arguments regarding fate have erupted, and continue to simmer.

The first, Stoic Fatalism, says that the cosmos is orchestrated by nature, and every person is subject to the luck or doom that a higher power has chosen for them. Stoics believe that a higher being is responsible for all of the good and bad in the world, and humans are powerless in their own destinies.

The second camp, "The Lazy Argument" (argos logos), says that if fate (laugh) really did exist, then humans wouldn't strive to make good decisions. These folks denounce fate entirely.

The third faction, the Confatal, speak loudly for co-fate; that is, a balanced blend of both Stoic Fatalism and Argos Logos.

Chrysippus (a fairly level-headed Greek thinker, by my account) was a Stoic philosopher with a twist. His philosophy recognized fate, but mostly in the form of inborn nature. He taught that two types of causes exist -- the kind that are beyond our control, and the type that we are in complete control of.

If Chrysippus were giving a seminar at the community center, he might ask you to kick a ball to demonstrate his logic. The "proximate and accessory cause" of the ball rolling is your kicking it. The "perfect and principal cause" of the ball rolling is the fact that the ball is a sphere, and is able to roll. One cause is as important as the other to the movement of the ball. The same theory applies to your search for a mate.

Chemical and Physical Attractiveness -- Your Perfect and Principal Cause

You've heard of dating chemistry -- or lack of it. Whether its speed dating, a first date, or a blind date, the subject of chemistry is likely to surface. But what is chemistry? Most of us can feel its effects, but can't pinpoint its specifics.

Body and face shape, natural smell, immune system strength, ethnicity, and female menstrual cycles are just a few examples of factors that are beyond our direct control. They are also examples of factors that contribute to covert sexual attractiveness. These characteristics are to you, as spherical shape is to the ball that I spoke of earlier.

Men Define Sex Appeal in Feminine Form

Studies of the 1990s rested heavily on the conjecture that Waist-to-Hip Ratio (WHR) was the single most important determining factor in a woman's sexual attractiveness. Pencil drawings were popular devices for obtaining one-dimensional answers from men, and a .7 ratio (hips 1/3 wider than the waist) was decided to be ideal.

Louis G. Tassinary, a Texas A&M professor, has challenged the concept that feminine sex appeal is as simple as measuring the WHR. In fact, he determined that its perception varies with culture. For example, according to his studies, western men preferred hourglass figures (lower WHRs), like Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez, or Barbie. Eastern men preferred more cylindrical, boyish figures (higher WHRs), like Twiggy or Angelina Jolie.

Additionally, Kerri Johnson of New York University sites a study in which men were presented with animated depictions of women walking. With only slight consideration for WHR, more than 50 percent of the men preferred women who walked with the most sway in their hips (in the immortal words of Kelis, their milkshakes brought the boys to the yard).

Generally speaking, men tend to prefer women who boast highly feminine body shapes. But what is used to define femininity? According to men, larger breasts that are positioned high on the torso, a slender waist, a long torso, a wide pelvic floor, and short arms all boost a woman's sex appeal. You may have already taken note that all of these characteristics have to do with child bearing and rearing. Accidental? Hardly. Men are evolutionarily programmed to choose women who will bear healthy children with few complications.

Women's facial shapes have also been studied, to determine which types carry the heaviest attraction potentials for men. Results have shown that a broad face, slender nose, small chin, and full lips all say, "Sexy."

Though men may not consciously choose these traits, they do so for reasons that can be traced to man's historical desire to propagate; spread his seed. Estrogen softens and rounds the female face, causing it to retain its babyish qualities. It also causes fat to deposit in places that contribute to a curvy female bodyscape. These traits covertly speak to men, telling them of a woman's ability to bear offspring.

Women Attest to the Masculinity Model

The attractiveness of the male body was once defined in limited terms, also. The PF (Performance Related Physical Fitness), had to do with a man's appearance of strength. As you might guess, that wasn't nearly good enough for the scientific community.

Women instinctively look for men who give visual clues of physical health, because historically, women have wanted to bear offspring with strong genes and good chances of survival in a harsh world.

Women presented with photos of different men's bodies most often choose those bodies that were muscular and lean, and boasted a Waist-to-Shoulder Ratio (WSR) of .75 or lower. The smaller the ratio, the more radical the difference between the waist and shoulders. Typically, that means that a body that is shaped like a "V" is attractive to females (and no, that doesn't refer to those men with beer bellies -- the widest part of the "V" must be at the shoulders, guys).

The way a man walks can add to, or detract from, his attractiveness, too. Kerri Johnson of New York University speaks up again when she references a study that presented women with animated depictions of men walking. Twice the number of women chose men who walked with a noticeable swagger in their shoulders (T.I. would call it "swagga").

Surprisingly (or not), more attractiveness weight is carried by a man's face than his body. According to Dr. Eleanor Weston, a paleontologist with the Natural History Museum, a man's face defines his survival strength, and his attractiveness to the opposite sex. Men whose faces feature a shorter distance between his brow and lip (short, broad face) are considered to look more masculine. Will Smith's face is an example of one that is masculine in this manner.

In general, women find the following male facial features to be sexually attractive: a square, wide jaw; prominent cheekbones; low, straight eyebrows; and a heavy, projected brow bone. And the reason? Again, we return to good survival chances for offspring. It's important to understand that testosterone is responsible for the character of these masculine facial features. It's also important to recognize that testosterone is corruptive to the immune system. Throughout history, women have learned that men with facial signs of high testosterone must have healthy immune systems, because they could withstand high levels of the hormone. All that equates to healthy babies.

But as with all attraction, male features aren't cut-and-dry. Anthony Little and David Perrett of the University of St. Andrews have conducted a study regarding culture and male facial attractiveness. They found that women of the western world preferred a more masculine, testosterone-influenced face, while eastern women tended to prefer a softer, feminized face.

Studies have also suggested that women perceive men with less masculine faces to be good husband material…their lower levels of testosterone tend to make them more faithful mates. On the other hand, women who are either looking for an affair, or who are ovulating, show an inclination toward the more dominant, masculine face.

Symmetry's Magnetism

I would be remiss if I didn't mention bilateral facial symmetry. This is important for the attraction of both males and females, and speaks of a person's immunity to disease and stress (i.e., mating merit).

Let's back up. How does a face become asymmetrical? That is, what would make one eye higher than the other, or a nose off-center, or a mouth that's higher on one side than the other? If a fetus succumbs to prenatal stresses, particularly during the first trimester of pregnancy, the facial features of that fetus are often altered. Additionally, if a person with a weakened immune system yields to environmental stresses during their lifetime, their facial symmetry can suffer.

Though we may not realize it, our brains process facial asymmetry as a reproductive weakness. We subconsciously know that that person doesn't bear strong genes and a hardy immune system. Symmetry tells us of a person's ability to cope with environmental stresses. Cate Blanchette has been marked by professionals as having good facial symmetry.

Don't fret too much if your own face is asymmetrical. Hugh Grant and Paris Hilton's lives don't seem to be negatively affected by theirs.

Sniffing Around for a Perfect Match

Even more pronounced than our sight attractiveness is the power of smell. Sex pheromones, though rarely detected consciously, send messages to those around us about genetic dissimilarity (kissing cousins aren't what nature intended), immunocompetence (the hardiness of a potential mate), reproductive fitness (ovulation, testosterone levels), and more. Smells speak to our limbic systems and conjure emotional reactions without any thought processes occurring (that's where "dating chemistry" without logical explanation comes in).

In order to tap into your pheromone emission and detection power, use unscented products. Perfumes and scented deodorants can cover your natural aroma, and skew pheromones' abilities to send messages. Some bodily hormones emit their own scents, while others' scents are created when microorganisms begin to thrive on glandular excretions. Antibacterial agents can hinder this natural process.

Not ready to rely solely on pheromones? Then you might choose to give nature a little nudge with seductive scents. Sandalwood, musk, orange and orange blossom, bread, melon, and chocolate are scents that turn up a woman's sexual sensors. Men find jasmine, lavender, vanilla, cinnamon, pumpkin pie, buttered popcorn and doughnuts to be sexually enticing (movies and dessert, anyone?).

Remember that it's important to find a healthy balance between odorless and off-putting. Allow yourself to sweat, but do not give body odor a chance to develop into a repellent.

And finally, mingle with the crowd. You're not going to smell a potential mate from across the room, nor would you want to.

Conscious Attractiveness -- Your Proximate and Accessory Cause

Now comes the point when you kick the ball; when you take some control over your quest for a mate.

The golden rule when making yourself attractive to others? Exude the qualities that would attract you.

Confidence is important. No one (not even Jerry Maguire) wants to complete you. Human nature dictates that potential mates will look for someone who has something to offer, not someone who is desperate for contributions from an outsider. So, do something you love. Run a mile (we can chat about it), hit the basketball court, join a book club, volunteer at an art gallery; anything in which you feel comfortable and confident. Your self-esteem will shine, and you will find that you're a magnet for like-minded people.

Self esteem can be difficult to attain, but once it builds, it grows to be evident to those around you. When you affirm the things that you know about yourself -- when you acknowledge to yourself that you're a good person; that you feel good, look good, take care of yourself, choose your friends carefully, and are liked by other people -- others will see that confidence and want to know you, too. The traits that you assign to yourself will be the traits that others assign to you, also. In other words, if you believe it, so will the masses.

When you encounter the opposite sex, use a firm handshake, good eye contact, and a disarming head tilt.

Smile. Would you find yourself attracted to someone who is obviously miserable? If you want to be approachable, you have to look approachable. Science tells us that when one person smiles, the brains of people that witness that smile are activated, particularly in the areas that control the facial muscles necessary to create authentic smiles of their own. We also know that people at the center of social networks, "the popular ones," tend to be happier, and smile and laugh more, releasing feel-good chemicals in their brains, and reducing stress hormones. So don't hold back. Happiness loves company, and gets it (much more than misery does). Try it -- look at someone who's smiling and try to frown. It's difficult. You can also try smiling at strangers. I'll bet that not one of them can keep from smiling back.

Dress the part. You don't have to be ready for the cover of Glamour or GQ, but you should give your appearance a second (and sometimes a third) look. Shaving, bathing, and wearing neat, clean clothing will build your bank of self esteem, second glances, and romantic possibilities.

Increasing the Likelihood of Love

Leaving your quest for the perfect mate up to chemistry alone could lead to a purely physical, short-lived relationship. Ignoring chemical signals and adhering to the "common sense" choice can also be a short road to dating dissatisfaction.

But the worst thing you can do? Leave it to fate.

In order for your intrinsically attractive qualities to work for you, you need get your assets off the couch and get to work.

Look to Chrysippus, the twisted Stoic. Find a balance between two schools of logic, and you're sure to find a better-than-average collection of potential love interests.