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home | Tonya's Blog
 

Tonya's Blog

Here is my Blog. I post here from time to time and I will tell you when I do in your weekly "Tip of the Week" Newsletter. Enjoy!

Thursday, Jan 22, 2009
TELL ME LIES
By Tonya Reiman
Thursday, Jan 22, 2009 07:27
The new FOX series, LIE TO ME, was absolutely amazing to anyone interested in learning about nonverbal communication.

The show, based on the work of Behaviorial Psychologist Paul Ekman, gives away the secrets that can make or break any interaction. The cues he offers from lip sneers to shoulder shrugs all tell the story of the body and the signals we give off forcing our body to either tell the truth or leak the lie.

What's riveting about this show is that the main character, Cal Lightman, demonstrates his readings in slow motion allowing the viewers to take in and learn the skills of people reading.

COMPLETE THUMBS UP!!!!

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Tuesday, Sep 30, 2008
FIRST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE BREAKDOWN`
By Tonya Reiman
Tuesday, Sep 30, 2008 09:52
The debate starts off with a handshake -- Notice how the upper bodies lean in but Obama's one foot stays behind. Barack Obama also holds onto John McCain's hand a little longer than he should -- almost looks like he is pulling John McCain in and not willing to let go of his hand. He also holds onto his arm too long -- McCain has already turned his body away and Obama is still holding onto McCain's arm. 21:04:00 You know, we are at a defining moment in our history. Our nation is involved in two wars, and we are going through the 21:04:11 worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Barack Obama has a conversation with America -- he looks into the camera speaking to the American Public. I heard others say this comes across as phoney -- I felt it was powerful -- as if he were having a conversation with the public. 21:06:50 And have no doubt about the magnitude of this crisis. And we're not talking about failure of institutions on Wall Street. Notice how John McCain thrusts his tongue after this comment -- he might have dry lips, however , he doesn't lick his lips he sticks out his tongue -- a sure sign of discomfort. OBAMA: We haven't seen the language yet. 21:08:43 And I do think that there's constructive work being done out there. So, for the viewers who are watching, I am optimistic about the capacity of us to come together with a plan. Watch the hand measurements as they come together but don't touch -- he is genuine but how close will they come together -- notice that his hands are slightly apart. OBAMA: 21:12:05 10 days ago, John said that the fundamentals of the economy are sound.

LEHRER: 21:12:14 Say it directly to him.

OBAMA: I do not think that they are.

LEHRER: Say it directly to him.

OBAMA: Well, the -- John, 10 days ago, you said that the fundamentals of the economy are sound. And...

MCCAIN: Are you afraid I couldn't hear him?

John McCain lifts his eyebrows up three times in a very short period feigning his obvious skepticism. He did the same thing to Joy Behar on the View when asked about his campaign commericals.

MCCAIN: 21:18:33 Now, Senator Obama didn't mention that, along with his tax cuts, he is also proposing some $800 billion in new spending on new programs. 21:19:00 Now, that's a fundamental difference between myself and Senator Obama. I want to cut spending. I want to keep taxes low. The worst thing we could do in this economic climate is to raise people's taxes. Watch Obama, the slight head shake which is unconscious disagreement and then watch his absolute impatience to make his point. OBAMA: 21:19:40 John, nobody is denying that $18 billion is important. And, absolutely, we need earmark reform. 21:19:49 And when I'm president, I will go line by line to makesure that we are not spending money unwisely. note how Barack Obama orients his body towards John McCain when he speaks to him -- John McCain, however, orients away from Barack Obama going towards the audience or Jim Lehrer.

LEHRER: 21:19:56 Respond directly to him about that, to Senator Obama about that, about the -- he's made it twice now, about your tax -- your policies about tax cuts. Notice how even after instructed by the moderator to respond to Barack Obama -- John McCain nonverbally refuses and still addresses Jim Lehrer and the audience. MCCAIN: 21:20:46 Now, if you're a business person, and you can locate any place in the world, then, obviously, if you go to the country where it's 11 percent tax versus 35 percent, you're going to be able to create jobs, increase your business, make more investment, et cetera. 21:21:00 I want to cut that business tax. I want to cut it so that businesses will remain in -- in the United States of America and create jobs. When John McCain says"obviously" he points to himself demonstrating that he would, indeed, head over to the country that charges 11 percent tax. MCCAIN: 21:21:39 And Senator Obama is a recent convert, after requesting $932 million worth of pork-barrel spending projects. So the point is, I want people to have tax cuts. Barack Obama's face demonstrates his frustration and impatience with a tight lipped grimace. He then lifts one finger up to Jim Lehrer requesting permission to speak. OBAMA: 21:25:14 Look, it's just not true. And if we want to talk about oil company profits, under your tax plan, John -- this is undeniable -- oil companies would get an additional $4 billion in tax breaks. Now, look, we all would love to lower taxes on everybody. But here's the problem: 21:25:28 If we are giving them to oil companies, then that means that there are those who are not going to be getting them. And... Finally, McCain responds directly to Barack Obama for the first time -- Of course, he still does not look at him nor does he orient his body towards him -- however, he answers him back.

MCCAIN: 21:28:56 Senator Obama has the most liberal voting record in the United States Senate. It's hard to reach across the aisle from that far to the left. The point -- the point is -- the point is, we need to examine every agency of government. Notice how Obama laughs at John McCain joke -- it is a real laugh -- he appreciates the joke. Watch how his eyebrows dip down slightly -- that is how you know the smile is genuine -- that in turn makes John McCain laugh.

MCCAIN: 21:33:51 we also have to have nuclear power. Senator Obama opposes both storing and reprocessing of spent nuclear fuel. 21:33:57 You can't get there from here and the fact is that we can create 700,000 jobs by building constructing 45 new nuclear power plants by the year 2030. Look at the expression on Barack Obama's face -- it is a unilateral contempt expression - you can easily see the slight pressing together of his lips and a hint of one side being raised - as if he is trying to mask his frustration -- also note a few seconds later the way Barack Obama shakes his head back at Jim Lehrer-- it is a nonverbal way of saying "HEY…." MCCAIN: 21:34:16 Nuclear power is not only important as far as eliminating our dependence on foreign oil but it's also responsibility as far as climate change is concerned and the issue I have been involved in for many, many years and I'm proud of the work of the work that I've done there along with President Clinton. John McCain sticks his tongue out -- he could have a dry mouth or it could indicate that he is uncomfortable with the previous statement of being associated with president Clinton.

OBAMA: 21:35:38 we have to know what our values are and who we're fighting for and our priorities and if we are spending $300 billion on tax cuts for people who don't need them and weren't even asking for them. Barack Obama angles towards Jim Lehrer and the audience until he gets to the words $300 billion --then he angles towards John McCain. Barack Obama page 15 -- I just want to make this point, jim. John…. This is one of the only times I saw John McCain actually look up at Barack Obama for a brief fleeting second. He immediately casts his eyes downward -- this is a sign of shame, guilt and embarrassment -- perhaps he is umcomfortable being associated with bush. OBAMA: 21:44:25 They have done a brilliant job, and General Petraeus has done a brilliant job. But understand, that was a tactic designed to contain the damage of the previous four years of mismanagement of this war. And so John likes -- 21:44:39 John, you like to pretend like the war started in 2007. You talk about the surge. 21:44:45 The war started in 2003, and at the time when the war started, you said it was going to be quick and easy. You said we knew where the weapons of mass destruction were. You were wrong. You said that we were going to be greeted as liberators. You were wrong. You said that there was no history of violence between Shia and Sunni. And you were wrong. And so my question is...

Over the next 30 seconds you will hear the word "senator" at least 2-3 times this is John McCain trying to break in. here are the rules on turn taking. When you are anxious to break into a conversation you use your "cues" -- these cues are as follows: make eye contact, lean towards the person (sometimes even with a pointed finger in the upward direction to indicate you would like "one minute" to speak, nod your head, (in quick up and down fashion if you want to send a clear signal of your desire to speak) and finally, sometimes taking a deep breath in with a slight backward lean demonstrates you would like them to "take a breath" and give you an opportunity to speak. John McCain chose to use simultaneous talking which did not work as Barack Obama was unwilling to relinquish the floor. MCCAIN: 21:46:06 They said, let us win. They said, let us win. We don't want our kids coming back here. And this strategy, and this general, they are winning. 21:46:14 Senator Obama refuses to acknowledge that we are winning in Iraq.

OBAMA: That's not true.

MCCAIN: They just passed an electoral...

OBAMA: That's not true.

Barack Obama interrupts here with a "that's not true" throughout the debate, Obama continually interrupted and or cut off John McCain demonstrating his impatience. MCCAIN: 21:46:27 And peace comes to the country, and prosperity. That's what's happening in Iraq, and it wasn't a tactic. Barack Obama once again interrupts and in the same power play employed above by Obama, McCain refuses to relinquish the floor. In the 30-40 seconds prior to this statement Barack Obama blinks furiously, the blinking coupled with his facial expression --tight lips pulled back -- are strong signals of his level of frustration -- his mind is working overtime. MCCAIN: 21:49:31 but he said those successes are fragile and if we set a specific date for withdrawal -- and by the way, Senator Obama's original plan, they would have been out last spring before the surge ever had a chance to succeed. 21:49:41 And I'm -- I'm -- understand why Senator Obama was surprised and said that the surge succeeded beyond his wildest expectations Barack Obama exhibits the slightest lip pucker -- we tend to pucker or purse our lips when we disagree with what a person is saying. MCCAIN: And I'll tell you, I had a town hall meeting in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, and a woman stood up and she said, "Senator McCain, I want you to do me the honor of wearing a bracelet with my son's name on it." He was 22 years old and he was killed in combat outside of Baghdad, Matthew Stanley, before Christmas last year. This was last August, a year ago. And I said, 21:59:12 "I will -- I will wear his bracelet with honor." And this was August, a year ago. And then she said, "But, Senator McCain, I want you to do everything -- 21:59:30 promise me one thing, that you'll do everything in your power to make sure that my son's death was not in vain." That means that that mission succeeds, just like those young peoplewho re-enlisted in Baghdad, 21:59:45 McCain starts and repeats the same sentences over twice. This is likely because it is a memorized story and when we have memorized a story, we have to go through the story in exact order or we can get confused.

OBAMA: 22:00:27 I've got a bracelet,too, from Sergeant - from the mother of Sergeant Ryan David Jopeck (ph),given to me ingrain bin green bay. She asked me, can you please make sure another mother is not going through what I'm going through. It' appears that Barack Obama has forgotten the sergeants name as he clearly looks down to glance at it. MCCAIN: By the way, 22:02:12 when I'm subcommittee chairman, we take up the issues under my subcommittee. But the important thing is -- the important thing is I visited Afghanistan and I traveled to Waziristan and 22:02:23 I traveled to these places and I know what our security requirements are. Here we see a look of disgust and anger on McCain -- it is written all over his nose and mouth…. And Obama's facial response----- a smiling mask on to disguise his anger. MCCAIN: I have proposed a league of democracies, 22:04:12 a group of people - a group of countries that share common interests, common values, common ideals, 22:04:21 they also control a lot of the world's economic power. We could impose significant meaningful, painful sanctions on the Iranians that I think could have a beneficial effect. Here McCain brings his hands towards himself -- when you talk about common interests, It is more effective to put your hands in a measurement position (as if you are holding onto a ball) when you bring your hands in, it gives the impression that the interest is more your own. MCCAIN: Here is Ahmadinenene (ph), Ahmadinejad, who is, Ahmadinejad, 22:08:17 who is now in New York, talking about the extermination of the State of Israel, of wiping Israel off the map,22:08:27 and we're going to sit down, without precondition, John McCain's eyes open widely, his brow goes into a surprise look (raised eyebrows) , he looks down and then has an extended closure on his blink. Lastly, he sticks out his tongue out after he makes the blunder - a sign of embarrassment and frustration-- Obama's response --- He lifts up his chin when his adversary makes the verbal blunder -- a gesture of dominance. OBAMA: So let's talk about this. 22:09:37 First of all, Ahmadinejad is not the most powerful person in Iran. So he may not be the right person to talk to. But I reserve the right, as president of the United States to meet with anybody at a time and place of my choosing Once again you see John McCain's eyebrows go up (see previous notes on John McCain's eyebrows) this is his way of mocking whoever is speaking at that time. As if to say -- oooooooK….

OBAMA: Senator McCain mentioned Henry Kissinger, who's one of his advisers, who, along with five recent secretaries of state, just said that we should meet with Iran -- guess what -- 22:10:12 without precondition. This is one of your own advisers. Now, understand what this means "without preconditions." It doesn'tmean that you invite them over for tea one day. 22:10:24 Barack Obama smirks at the end of this sentence -- he feels he made a dig and he feels good about it.

OBAMA: 22:12:15 He even said the other day that he would not meet potentially with the prime minister of Spain, because he -- you know, he wasn't sure whether they were aligned with us. I mean, Spain? Spain is a NATO ally. Barack Obama shoulders and head pull back when he repeats "I mean Spain" -- This is usually the expression of mock astonishment.

MCCAIN: 22:12:37 Look, Dr. Kissinger did not say that he would approve of face-to-face meetings between the president of the United States and the president -- and Ahmadinejad. He did not say that.

OBAMA: Of course not. Here McCain pops down and then pops up -- like he is jumping up in the air slightly. This is a gesture people do often when they feel they have made a significant point. Also listen for how he enunciates the word "THE" when he says "THE PRESIDENT "…. MCCAIN: 22:14:03 And we ought to go back to a little bit of Ronald Reagan's "trust, but verify," and certainly not sit down across the table from -- without precondition, as Senator Obama said he did twice, I mean, it's just dangerous. Here John McCain does a very obvious shoulder shrug and with palms facing upward -- in this situation once again it is a "I don't get it" type move. John McCain is now mocking Barack Obama by exposing his palms (to demonstrate he is not hiding anything) hunching his shoulders and raising his eyebrows in unison. He does not understand Barack Obama's position.

22:14:27 When we talk about preconditions -- and Henry Kissinger did say we should have contacts without preconditions -- the idea is that we do not expect to solve every problem before we initiate talks. Barack Obama faces John McCain but he does not look him in the eye -- this led me to believe that Barack Obama might not have the story 100% accurately -- typically Barack Obama looks John McCain in the face when making a direct comment. MCCAIN: So let me get this right. We sit down with Ahmadinejad, and he says, "We're going to wipe Israel off the face of the Earth," and we say, "No, you're not"? Oh, please. This is one of the few times you see Barack Obama with a stiff finger pointed at McCain -- a very aggressive move for Obama since he rarely stiffens that finger. 22:20:30 By the way, I went there once, and we went inside and drove in, and there was a huge poster. And this is -- this is Georgian territory. And there was a huge poster of Vladimir Putin, and it said, "Vladimir Putin, our president." John McCain looks up and to the left -- now you know where he looks when he is remembering something visual versus where he might look to construct something. Barack Obama on the other hand, tends to look to his right. Both men are left handed, however, lefties are the small population who can go either way.

MCCAIN: No one from Arizona is against solar. 22:24:42 And Senator Obama says he's for nuclear, but he's against reprocessing and he's against storing. So... John McCain's nose and mouth once again demonstrate sheer disgust and contempt MCCAIN: 22:25:13 ... I supported Nunn-Lugar back in the early 1990s when a lot of my colleagues didn't. That was the key legislation at the time and put us on the road to eliminating this issue of nuclear waste and the nuclear fuel that has to be taken care of. Barack Obama's mouth puckers up -- this is a sign of disagreement -- note how the mouth goes somewhat sideways, which is also a sign of skepticism. MCCAIN: And we were -- we were opposed by the administration, another area where I differed with this administration. And we were stymied until the families of 9/11 came, and they descended on Washington, 22:26:49 and we got that legislation passed. John McCain says "I differed with THIS administration". The word "This" is a distancing word that puts space between you and whatever "this" is…. MCCAIN: The consequences of defeat, which would result from his plan of withdrawal and according to date certain, regardless of conditions, 22:31:08 according to our military leaders, according to every expert, would lead to defeat -- possible defeat, loss of all the fragile sacrifice that we've made of American blood and treasure, which grieves us all. John McCain puts his hand to his chest as he discusses the sacrifices we have made. This is a near and dear issue to him and he is unconsciously letting us know that. END -- WATCH THE FINAL HANDSHAKE the two approach each other for the goodbye handshake, Barack Obama goes to give the usual political shake where you grab the hand and pat the arm and John McCain turns his face away from Barack Obama -- he begins pulling his body away while Barack Obama still has his hand on John McCain arm. John McCain wants absolutely nothing to do with him.

Permalink
Wednesday, Sep 24, 2008
John McCain and body language
By Tonya Reiman
Wednesday, Sep 24, 2008 02:25
I received a ton of email about my analysis of John McCain. Let me try to clarify/correct my point.

From the perspective of how some might perceive him -- my goal was to offer advice on how to not look "fidgety". Unfortunately, most people do NOT know about his disabilities and therefore prejudge him based on his constant movements (google how he plays with his weddingband and you will be amazed at what people are saying). I would like to see him leave his arms at his sides or going towards the back of his body which would allow him to come across (read that as BE PERCEIVED) as more confident and physically powerful. He doesn't have to stand in the military position with his arms crossed in the back to be perceived as non-fidgety -- he just needs to keep them down at his sides.

What I was trying to get across during that segment (quite unsuccessfully I might add) was that body language says a lot about who you are. Sometimes, we have to be able to look passed that unconscious gut instinct about a person. In other words -- take Mr. McCain's disability into account -- into context -- before judging him. He would help that unconscious judgment by holding his arms down a little more.

Permalink
Wednesday, Sep 17, 2008
Let's talk candidates
By Tonya Reiman
Wednesday, Sep 17, 2008 03:00
Who is going to live in the White House next? Let's start by looking at their body language.

Overall in alphabetical order: Presidential candidates: John McCiin - As we all know, John McCain has several physical disabilities - knowing this about him allows you to navigate his nonverbals in a more open manner. He tends to be quite stiff most of the time, however, he does have a tendency to orient himself in the direction of the person he is addressing. He has several distracting habits such as his constant fidgeting with his wedding band. I understand he has limitations, however, I will say again. He must stop the constant fidgeting across his body. If he needs to be in constant motion, he can hopefully keep his hands by his sides as opposed to closing across in front of him. This has nothing to do with his inner feelings, beliefs, values, etc.... It has to do with how he will be perceived.

Barack Obama - Barack has both extraordinary oratory and nonverbal skills that I would say comes close to competing with Bill Clinton. He moves in to endear his conversant and keeps a good expression on his face most of the time.

Vice Presidential candidates: Joe Biden - Joe speaks well, however, his verbal flubs are painful. He also has some issues when it comes to facial expressions and keeping a "poker face". In other words, he seems to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Did your last comment annoy him - watch his face, you'll know. Does he dislike you? - watch his face, you'll know. He has not been out much this election, however, I look forward to seeing him on some shows and watching the VP debate.

Sarah Palin - Sarah comes across as strong, bold and determined. However, in that same breath - arrogant and slightly cocky. She is new on the scene so in order to norm her, I am looking for her usual habits. She seems to scrunch her nose in disgust quite often - this is something I will be looking for in future appearances.

Don't forget to post your comments.

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